Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
