i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
