So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
