I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm too high and old for this...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
