he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
