roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
