Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
