Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
