His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
