Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
