i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
