can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
