The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
how does that bad decision feel?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
