Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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