So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
