just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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