it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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