Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
