no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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