Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
