She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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