Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
