so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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