she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
