why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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