ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
