Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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