Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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