ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
