just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
