I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
