Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
tell me about the fingering
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
