Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
