Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
