i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
two words: eviction party
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
