I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize