Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
