Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
