imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
