im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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