Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
