I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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