he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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