she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
