so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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