I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
