You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
