I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
