WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
