____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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