She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
