Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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